- Site:
- http://www.willrunforcoffee.com
- Miles:
- 1621 total / 96 in 2012
- Goal:
My goal is to keep running, and make sure I'm as injury free as possible this time around! :)
Heather C. ran: I ran my first half m...
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- 13 miles
- 02:29 time
- 11:24 pace
- 1936 calories
- details
I ran my first half marathon Sunday. I would love to say I'm super happy, but I’m feeling totally the opposite. And by totally, I mean TOTALLY.
I’ve been seeing a physical therapist for IT band issues (right knee). Thought I had that under control, but my knee started hurting to an almost unbearable level at mile 5. I was honestly uncertain I could make it one more step much less one more mile. It felt/hurt like it did before I started going to PT which was horrible. So that makes me question whether the PT actually helps any. I pushed on anyway, and know I ran a bit slower due the pain. Walking actually hurts even more when it comes to this particular pain I have, so it was easier and less painful (if there is such a thing) to just keep running at that point. The thing that really slowed me down was a horrific case of diarrhea. My stomach started to cramp up really bad around mile 3 or 4, and I honestly thought I was going to explode from mile 4 on. I had to stop 3 times just to deal with the tummy issues. It was either that or shit myself. There was no getting around the urgent need to stop. I’ve never been so happy to use a Honey Bucket in my life. Thank God I packed a few baby wipes along in a snack bag!
According to my Garmin, which stops the clock when I stop moving, I finished in 2:29:26. I would have been thrilled with that time. I wanted to finish by 2:30:00. The ultimate goal that would have better matched my training would have been 2:20:00, but I set my goal to be 2:30:00. Unfortunately, the official timing chip clocked me at 2:47:59. I am at a total loss for words. I literally cried my way across the finish line because I knew I had not accomplished what I had been training for the past 10 months. I was completely, utterly, desperately heartbroken. Somewhere along the way, I realized I was not going to make in across the finish line anywhere near my goal time. Then the realization hit that on top of grossly missing my goal time, I had none of my loved ones there to support me when I finally did cross the line. (Boys, when your wife or significant other asks you repeatedly to please go with her to her first big event….GO WITH HER!).
I’m disturbed by the fact no one seems to “get” the way I’m feeling about the outcome of the event. If I hear one more perky, “…but you DID it….you FINISHED…”, shoot out of one more person’s face, I will pull my hair out. What do people NOT get about working hard, having to step completely outside of your comfort zone in order to do the hard work, only to not meet a very simple goal??? I hope there’s someone else out there feeling this way. Not that I wish disappointment upon other runners, but it would make me feel a little better to know that the feeling of letting myself down after investing so much (time, money, energy, etc.) isn’t one felt by me alone.
I'm proud to say I finished. I am proud to say, though super slow, I ran the entire 13.1 miles (no walking). However, I am *beyond* disgusted with the time in which it took me to "officially" finish it, and I simply cannot get past that number. It overshadows everything else. After so much heart ache this past year, I wanted to come out on top just once. Just once. One time is not asking too much.
I will continue to run simply because it's a good thing for me physically & a great way to blow off steam. At this time, I am not sure I want to participate in another event. I feel as though they set me up to feel complete disappointment. That’s not a fun feeling considering how much goes into training.
Peace Out,
Debby Downer
I'm so sorry your first half wasn't all that you'd hoped it would be. Sending massive {{{{{hugs}}}}} your way!!
almost 2 years ago • Like
My very first race ended in disaster, very similar to what you described. If I had let it defeat me, packed it in like you seem to want to do here, I would have never ran a 10km the next year, followed it with a 10 mile race two months later and two half marathons that fall.
20 races later, some good, some bad, some really frickin' ugly, I'm still running. Some days I smile, some days I laugh, some days I cry. Not all of them are pretty, not all of them are PBs, but I cross the finish line every time.
almost 2 years ago • Like
Well, poo. Literally ;) I'm so sorry your first race wasn't a good one. Can you break it down and figure out where things went wrong? Was it something new for breakfast? Nerves? Different drink? I made the mistake of grabbing a high fiber breakfast cookie before a race. Ahem. Let's just say that was not my best either. However, the next race was awesome and the high of finishing strong wiped that other race right off the books. So, as ugly as it was, what did it teach you?
almost 2 years ago • Like
Hugs Heather. Sorry it didn't go the way you had hoped! Don't give up.
almost 2 years ago • Like
I think it would be tougher not having someone to share it with than the time issue. I hate to see you so self-critical but I'm positive that I'd be just as hung up over it. It's why you're such a successful motivator. You're very goal-oriented and work very hard. But I'm sure you have so many people admiring your accomplishment that have no idea what you're complaining about not understanding race pacing or a good time. You should be so proud of the example you've set for so many.
almost 2 years ago • Like
((HUGS)) Heather, I TOTALLY get you!! That's why I haven't raced since my marathon back in April 2008. I totally understand when you say it was less painful to run than to walk because of that blasted IT Band!! I totally get when you say you were disappointed with your time. I remember CRYING literally crying when the 4:45 group passed me during the marathon. I missed my goal. I walked too much. Those "back 4 miles" I call them still haunt me to this day. Crossing the finish line was a let down.
almost 2 years ago • Like
I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't make any final decisions about running and racing yet. It may take you almost two years (like me) to get over things and do crazy things like racing again. Take the time to work through your feelings. They are very real. (((HUGS))) again.
almost 2 years ago • Like
Now for a positive -- at least you got a race photo for your first race!! For my first half, all I could find was a picture of my arm!!
almost 2 years ago • Like
I'm still so impressed that you ran a half marathon, I'm signing up for one in the fall and am constantly rethinking it! sorry it didn't go as well as you have hoped, but there is always tomorrow and always another run. Oh and as far as PT goes, I tore a ligament in my foot at the beginning of last summer and did 3 months of PT, it didn't really feel better until about month 5 after starting PT, its a long and tedious process. Hope you are feeling better soon!
almost 2 years ago • Like
try a cranio-sacral massage therapist
almost 2 years ago • Like
Heather, I've thought alot about your post since reading it, and how I would feel in your place. Your blog inspired me to start running again, and I have my sights on the Princess next year. Taking it slow and steady to get there. With all the build up though, it would be completely defeating feeling to not have it go the way you envisioned it. And I get that. Yeah, you did it, rah rah, but it should have been different, or at least, it COULD have been different, and fighting that feeling...
almost 2 years ago • Like
in yourself is the hardest part (whether it's losing weight, getting a new job, or running). I guess all I can say as an outsider is even when you are pissed off about the outcome, you still managed to be honest about it and to share that, which is really inspiring to people like me who are just starting out and trying to balance the bad ones with the goods. So thanks for sharing and I do hope you keep racing and keep healthy. (And I thank you a million times over for the chili fries recipe.)
almost 2 years ago • Like